Central to the discussion around power and accountability following the #MeToo revelations was the question of consent. If a woman didn’t say “no,” did she mean “yes”? Was it difficult to say “no”? Did she feel too vulnerable to say “no”?One hope from #MeToo was that it was sparking these conversations — at social gatherings, within families, in the education system — to move the needle forward in terms of understanding sexual consent. But a new survey by the Canadian Women’s Foundation (CWF) turned up with the opposite news. The percentage of Canadians surveyed in April who fully understood what it means to give consent dropped to 28 from 33 per cent in 2015.One in two women in Canada has felt pressured to consent to unwanted sexual activity, and two-thirds (67 per cent) have received unwanted attention, it found. Why is it a big deal to understand consent? Most people, unless they’re rapists, understand that consent is necessary for pleasurable sex. Two people want to have sex. “Two”, as in, both, want it. As in …want it.But social conditioning gets in the way, creating an artificially manufactured aggressive-passive dynamic, with lopsided cues about whose pleasure gets primacy. It teaches us rubbish such as wearing down resistance is part of the game or that playing hard to get is key to keeping someone hooked. It makes it incredibly difficult for women to say “no”, especially if they’re conditioned to seek approval, to appease and to please. It turns a “no” to one interaction into a blanket rejection of masculinity. It makes people vulnerable in power situations where saying “no” might mean the end of a career, job prospects or livelihood. So consent in practice where relationships are fraught is about “yes” but it also requires a little more consideration of what “yes” really looks like.“Cons ...
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